If you haven’t guessed already…

I did not get the job.  To say I am disappointed would be a BIG understatement. 

So, you ask, where does this leave me?  It leaves me working part-time at a job I like but don’t see any future in.  It leaves me unsure of myself and feeling pretty damn low.  Even though I was 99 and 44/100 percent sure I was NOT going to get the job, this one really hurt.  I think this is because I have been so darned flexible with covering for sick/vacationing co-workers and in doing what ever crappy job that needed to be done.  I’ve tried so hard to expand my knowledge of the job and to learn extra skills and to SHARE the knowledge that I have with everyone.

So, tomorrow, it’s back to work…acting as if this hasn’t rattled me and made me feel like crap.  It’s time to update the old resume.  I have an appointment on Monday at the Career Services Center of Southwest Florida to see if there is any funding for going back to school.  I have to do something before my age becomes an issue in hiring me.  I can’t depend on anyone else to do this for me.  I’m going to have to take the message I’ve recieved from this experience and learn from it.  I think I have.


Don’t know why I bother….

Once again, I have applied for a full-time job that I really want but that I know I’m not going to get.  I probably won’t even get an interview this time, but I’m still making the effort.  I’m also looking into some other options, not that there are many jobs out there right now.

The doctor visit…life is going to change!!!

Well, my doctor’s visit went almost exactly how I thought it would.  My weight (which I will NEVER tell anyone) was worse than I thought and was a HUGE wake-up call.  The doctor was tough but very understanding.  I told him what has been keeping me from taking better care of myself: 1. the cost of healthy food, 2. laziness, 3. health insurance coverage sucking, 4. stress from money problems, 5. being in pain.  He actually sat and listened to me.  He and I talked about several things we can look into doing to help with the weight loss.  He was truly supportive and told me he will be there to help me succeed.  I will be going for blood work on Wednesday and yes ladies…I’ll be going for my boob squishing (mammogram) in the near future.  I am more determined than I’ve ever been to do this.

A letter to my body

Dear Body,

I wanted to write to thank you for hanging around.  I know I haven’t always been good to you, yet you’ve always been there for me.

I am going to the doctor today. I am hoping that he will help me to help you.  I have been trying to lose weight forever, so that you can work better and feel better.  I always start out really good, but something stops me.  I am sorry about that.  I will be talking to the doctor today about ways that I can actually reach one of my weight loss goals.  I have NEVER managed to reach any of my weight lost goals, no matter how small I make them.  This is very disappointing.  I would like to stop disappointing you, so I am going to officially ask for help. 

Thanks for being there for me.  I will give you an update when I return from the doctor.



Facebook is ruining my ability to complain.

It used to be I could post my status HONESTLY and get things off my chest.  I used to feel better as soon as I got the little, annoying things that happen down in a humorous way.  I can’t do this anymore due to several reasons.  I think I will need to take up kick-boxing or meditation to work off the frustration of not being able to say what is on my mind.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love Facebook for keeping in touch with friends, but to honestly express my thoughts and feelings on everyday stuff, it isn’t good.  If anyone wants to know how I REALLY feel, they will just have to send me a private email.